The sign on the monkey cages at our San Diego Zoo admonishes patrons not to: "annoy, torment, pester, plague...vex, bequiet, goad, beset... or ruffle the animals [multitudinous further verbs omitted]. Hey, if you put enough monkeys in a room full of typewriters, they'll yield Shakespeare for you, eventually. Hand them a thesaurus and they'll put up a sign.

Once, a Marine on leave patronized said zoo. Seeing the simian sign, he wondered why the monkeys merited special treatment. That week in boot camp, he'd been annoyed, tormented, pestered, plagued, vexed, bequieted, goaded, beset and certainly there was a lot of ruffling.

The sign won't adorn Camp Pendleton walls. Yet, the occasional civilian picks up a memento copy in the zoo's tchotchkes shop. It's overpriced, but supports not-for-profit zoology and permits a (sort of) clever addition to one's office. Insert your occupation (lawyer) on a sticker over "animals," and you instantly convey that even a (lawyer) has feelings. Prick us: we do bleed. I daresay, lawyers are people too. Okay, maybe that's an overstatement.

Like that ca. '67 track from The Stones' "Between the Buttons," a good lawyer must remain, "Cool, Calm, and Collected." Good counsel will empathize, but not internalize. For the litigant or petitioner, legal proceedings are inherently stressful. This prompts the cliche, "Only a fool's his own counsel;" unchecked sentiment will sabotage one's case. Now, with high emotion coincides the occasional venting upon counsel; the public is colored by a critical preconception of lawyers. Yours truly provides the utmost care to his clients, yet, sometimes we bite the hand that feeds. If blame is misplaced, I correct the misconception. Yet, I don't begrudge it; the client who seeks counsel is the vulnerable client. It's not the best of times. Thus, I remain cool, calm, and collected. (Cool in the redundant-to-calm-and-collected sense; not in the Fonzie sense.) That we hear and listen to clients means they get to share their happiness and sorrows.

Such grievance is petty, yet I implore that I not be annoyed, tormented, pestered, plagued and certainly not ruffled by my clients. Those acts, Dear Reader, we shall cede to the telemarketer.