It's Saturday. The boy is picking weeds (and not grass, hopefully). That's why it's good to have boys; they don't mind the dirt beneath their nails, which saves you big bucks on gardening. The wife is setting up Microsoft Exchange for the office, which will enable iPhone interfacing. And that's why it's good to have a smart woman; she saves you big bucks outsourcing the IT jobs. Of course, I might now have to do something more productive at traffic lights than tweeting tweets. Maybe I should just keep my eyes on the signal, lest I be prompted by irate horns honking. And finally, yours truly is sitting with a cat in his lap, fingers clacking on the keyboard (dirt beneath the nails; had to demonstrate proper weeding, getting those suckers out by the roots), and on the desk, 12 ounces of chemicals in an aluminum can, leaving a wake of condensation. Today's topic is Ford.

In that awkward decade, the 80s, Ford Motor Company's ad slogan echoed an apologetic quality,

"Have you driven a Ford... lately?!"

(if not, can you give us another chance?)

In modern times, Ford boasts success, insofar as its numbers show the smallest loss among Motown's carmakers. Still, the ads implore,

"Drive One."

(please)

and in a companion ad*, the pitchman suggests that a driver swap her current car for a Ford. She responds,

"I was surprised!"

(it wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be)

The only Ford my family ever owned was a Pinto. The notorious Pinto, instantaneously combustible upon ginger touch to its gas tank. Rent the vulgar skit film, Kentucky Fried Movie for an apt demonstration of the Pinto's unique quality. With the imperative "rent," I don't command thee to see it; I simply encourage that you rent rather than purchase. Stay out of Debt Rule #89 (all 305 rules are posted on our Twitter account at random): borrow what you needn't buy. So, that's one strike against Ford: flammability.

Windshield wipers. Wipers are the subject of another film, Flash of Genius, which stars the likeable, Greg Kinnear.** Now, regular old windshield wipers have been around since the Model-T. But at the start of the 50s, intermittency was yet to come. Robert Kearns (played by Kinnear) then introduced the marvel of the intermittent windshield wiper. Except, Ford purloined his invention and denied him credit. Strike Two, Ford: swiper of the wiper.

Back to Bankruptcy Land.

What is a ride-through in bankruptcy?

A typical line spoken at initial attorney consultation reads, I want to keep my car out of the bankruptcy. By that, the client means they want to keep their car. The attorney will respond that, you can't keep the car out of the bankruptcy. By that, the attorney means that in the bankruptcy papers, you must list your car as an asset and you must list your car loan as a debt. Even if you "forget" to list your car loan (shame on you!), your debt on the car will, for practical purposes still be discharged (canceled) by virtue of the bankruptcy. But the attorney will stress, you can still keep your car.

Whoa! Hold on to your horses (or mustangs or pintos). That doesn't mean you can keep the car gratis. Instead, when you file bankruptcy, there are vehicular options, as follow:***

1. 1)You can surrender the car and you will owe nothing further on it. If your car is worth a grand and you owe 10 large on it, why keep it?
   

2. 2)You can redeem the car. This means your attorney can move the court to permit a lump sum purchase of the car. The lump sum would be equal to the current market value. Thus, you could buy that $1K car for $1K. The lump sum can be financed through a third party.
   

3. 3)You can reaffirm the car loan. This means you would re-sign or re-instate the loan. This puts you back on the hook despite the bankruptcy. If you later default on the loan, the lender can repossess the car, sell it, then sue you for the remaining payoff not recovered by its sale. Thus, reaffirmations are not recommended: they defeat the purpose of the bankruptcy. Though, if you can truly afford to pay off the loan and the loan balance is close to or under the market value, then reaffirmation may be a positive means of bolstering your credit. There may be other benefits too.
   

4. 4)You can (maybe) "retain and pay," aka the "ride-through." You'd maintain your installments, pay off the vehicle and when the end credits roll, drive into the sunset, title in hand. Technically, under the Bankruptcy Code, lenders needn't agree to this arrangement. They can retain the right to repo your car if you don't reaffirm (option 3, above). But most lenders currently tolerate the ride-through in practice. Apparently, the majority predicts greater profit by accepting payments and risking default, than by incurring repo and re-sale costs on accounts in good standing. Ford Motor Credit disagrees. They insist upon reaffirmation or else they'll repossess your wheels, even if you're current on payments.**** Strike Three: Ford's out.
   

Yet, you might say, what's the problem? Why not just reaffirm? The problem is that we can't always reaffirm even if we want to. If your expenses exceed your income, then it's presumed that reaffirmation imposes undue hardship. In paternalistic (yet rational) manner, the court will not permit you to reaffirm a loan, if objectively, you cannot a-Ford it.

Then, you might emphatically say, as did Keanu Reeves in Speed, "What do you do? What... do you do?"

Not much you can do. If you can't reaffirm with Ford, you might have to bid the car adieu. This is frustrating and it's a hassle for yours truly. But in the end, do not fail to see the big picture. Giving up on car payments you can't afford, letting a depreciated hunk of metal go is not the worst outcome in conjunction with the discharge of tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt. And all for a low legal fee. Bankruptcy effects incredibly good outcomes.

Postscript:

Of Ford advertising there is honorable mention to the American Idol results shows, in which the dapper Mr. Seacrest draws out the proceedings presenting soon-to-be classic Ford Music Videos. The hopeful contestants pretend to drive economy-sized Fords round a TV set while singing goofy tunes. Not cool. To be fair, Ford’s product placements once aspired to style. In Bullitt, a 1960s cop movie, Steve McQueen raced around San Francisco in a Ford Mustang besting the villains in their Dodge Challenger.

Oh, and there's a fourth strike against Ford, and it's a whopper, in my opinion. Now, as a kid I always reckoned it was Harrison Ford's name in the blue oval logo. He bested the Nazis with a bullwhip and defeated intergalactic villains while piloting a hamburger-shaped spacecraft. Surely, with such accomplishments, he could have easily crafted cars in his spare time. But no, it was Henry Ford. Ford was a great pioneer. He is credited with inventing the assembly line, thus improving efficiency while rendering work painfully dull and repetitive. But he was also a bad man, a virulent racist. In fact, he had a pen pal named Adolph Hitler; they were bonded by the act of scapegoating. No wonder, it was Jeep, maker of jeeps, that equipped our army to defeat the Third Reich.

And I credit McQueen's racing skills for the Mustang's superior performance in Bullitt. The Challenger is a better looker than the Mustang.

Post-postscript

I was visiting with a prominent and successful physician at his home. In his garage, he parked an obscenely expensive Porsche, which he faithfully maintained in its showroom condition. While he was feeding his pooches, I drank a beer. Sitting by the coffee table, I flipped through car magazines, reading engine stats and the like. I asked,

"Why not get a Ford GT500 or something? Matches your German brand's performance, 0-60 in a handful of seconds and all that. What's wrong with the Ford?"

"Nothing," he answered, "but it's a Ford."

I asked, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"

_______________________________

*Generally, we fast-forward through the brain-numbing, spirit-crushing TV commercials (and the Super Bowl ads are no exception: they're the same ads, they just happen to play during the big game), but sometimes I’ll watch ‘em during bathroom breaks or when the toaster-oven chimes and we wait, while the boy retrieves warm chocolate chunk cookies.

**I've defined Mr. Kinnear, the actor, as quintessentially likeable. Even when he played a bad boy in Auto Focus (circa 2002), he was still likeable. He's very likeable.

***We've been through this drill before: you know this is simplified and you can't maneuver these issues based on a blog, even a spectacular one (and if you find such a blog, let me know). I don't address all facets. The important thing is to timely advise your attorney as to your intent with your secured properties, because these issues need to be addressed within specific deadlines.

****San Diego County Credit Union may have already adopted the same policy.