Superheroes named after animals. It vexes me, man. I'm terribly vexed about it. Example:

I. Batman

Bruce Wayne, alias Batman chose the bat moniker to instill fear in the hearts of villains, because bats are spooky. Yet, his bat-mask's bat-ears bear resemblance to ears of the common housecat. And while indubitably diabolical, housecats remain ostensible members of the genus, Cute-and-Furries. A dubious choice, Mr. Wayne.

II. Spider-Man

Teenage Peter Parker, alias Spider-Man selected spiders. Spiders are terrible, horrible, no good, very-bad creatures. Inspired choice to scare crooks, right? Thing is, Spiderman is Your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman: unlike why-IS-he-so-serious- Batman, Spidey's a people's superhero; he's very nice and he wears bright-and-happy reds and blues.

The first, and more-so, the second of the Spiderman movies with Tobey Maguire were superlative, for what they were. And while its sequel possessed more oomph, the Important Notion is in the first installment.

To earn dough-to-buy-a-car-to-win-a-girl, Pater Parker attends an open-challenge wrestling match. He wins, yet the promoter denies Peter proper pay, and says to his earn-dough-to-buy-car-to-win-girl trouble, "How is that my problem?"

Without further ado, same-promoter is robbed at gun point. Tables turned, the promoter looks to Parker’s spider-skill-set for salvation. Parker says to promoter's pleas, "How is that my problem?” Karma, man. In a flash, (lest one miss cause and effect), the unleashed robber carjacks and kills Parker's saintly uncle, Uncle Something-or-other, I don't recall. Parker learns that With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility (hereinafter referred to as "WGPCGR").

III. The Red Herring

TV’s The Simpsons adeptly highlights the hackneyed WGPCGR. In episode number 11, 007, Common-Man-protagonist Homer revels in a power-grab; stickler-neighbor Ned reproves:

"WGPCGR."

Homer responds:

"Who said that?! I'll kill them With My Power!"

Fortunately, the Important Notion we seek is not WGPCGR; it’s,

"How Is That My Problem?" (Hereinafter referred to as "HITMP.")

IV. HITMP

It's telling that HITMP is the defining characteristic of the legal system. Law is adversarial, ergo one side's problem cannot be the other side's problem. That’s how it has to be; otherwise we're all compelled to get along, a notion which is not conducive to my employment.*

Bankruptcy, the big BK is no exception to legal antagonism. In stepping to the plate, there’s no call to spit tobacco, scratch where you shouldn't, and kick up dirt. But you must carry your bat and know who you’re up against on the BK Diamond. Read on: it’s certainly confusing, man, but it’s slightly less boring than baseball.

V. Debtor-Man and The Rogues Gallery

Batman fights a multiplicity of baddies: The Joker, The Riddler, The Penguin, the inappropriate attentions of Robin The Boy Wonder... Spiderman combats The Green Goblin, Dr. Octopus, Sandman, and pimples.** The bankruptcy debtor or petitioner--aka Debtor-Man--has his own foils, every bit as dangerous.

VI. Creditor-Man

He: You've been pre-approved!

You: Like, holy smokes, I didn't even try. You Must Like Me, You Must Really Like Me!

He: And what's more, we're offering introductory 0% APR and you may select between a baby-seal- and a bald-eagle-background on your card.

You: You had me at pre-approved.

He: Just sign here.

You (pointing): here?

He: yes, right beneath where it says card-issuer may change terms, interest, and otherwise do what it may with impunity.

You: Right on, man.

You (lying in bed 3 days later stroking your new card): Wait, what's APR?

He is the Creditor, man. Or rather, he is Creditor-Man and he has a big C on his chest. Unlike, say The Joker with his acid-spewing flowers, Creditor-Man's weapon-of-choice is Teaser Rates. And he'll take a jot of blood to get his pound of flesh.

Okay, that's very melodramatic and self-righteous and silly, and you know, creditors are people too. Sort of. But the point is, when things start to snowball, you can call your friendly-neighborhood creditor, say you're out of work, can't pay the minimum dues, need a break, and you can know that Creditor-Man will say,

HITMP?

Is that wrong? Well, it's capitalism and it's not personal and that's the world we choose to live in.

VII. Then What?

Once you default on your credit card agreement, Creditor-Man will refer your file to Collector-Man. Collector-Man is employed by virtue of your default, yet does not refrain from self-righteous accusation, because it's what he's paid to do. Of course, he could get paid to do something else. Debts must be collected, yet an end does not justify all means. Creditor-Man may call you, and call you, and call you, and then call again. He may call your employer. He will do so because it inflicts pain, it will mortify, and it will get him paid. Sure, it's better than a bookie breaking arms, but it's still pathetic.

VIII. Military-Collector-Man

A colleague of Collector-Man is Military-Collector-Man or MCM. If you are a service-member who cannot pay her military credit cards, MCM will not call you at work; MCM will call your commanding officer. This is why a soldier should be wise not to apply for in-house credit. Civilian employees likewise suffer prejudice should they borrow from their employer. Nordstrom workers are fired if they default on their Nordie-issued credit cards. (Note: Nordstrom CANNOT fire Debtor-Man if he files bankruptcy, a process in which Federal Law preempts Nordstrom Law.) Creditors do not protect "their own." However, Nordstrom is useful to me because its downtown second-floor is a shortcut between mall parking and the San Diego bankruptcy court (Yes, San Diego has a downtown). Then again, I always get dirty looks every time I stop and play their piano. Maybe I shouldn't bring my tip jar.

IX. Creditor-Attorney-Man

When Collector-Man can't collect, he engages Creditor-Attorney-Man ("CAM"). CAM's job is to sue you, get a judgment, and garnish your wages. This is the inevitable culmination of the collection process. You may not ever see CAM, yet you will get to meet Process-Server-Man who will deliver your summons, and Sheriff-Man, who will garnish your wages.

A regular garnishment is limited to 25% of one's paycheck. While debtors may have already suffered abuse, mortification and possibly termination, many do not take corrective measures until their money's already been taken. Yet, it's not too late to file bankruptcy, void a judgment and stop a garnishment.

When you file chapter 7 or chapter 13 bankruptcy, a case trustee is appointed. Trustee-Man's role is particular to the bankruptcy chapter.

X. (Chapter 7) Trustee-Man

Trustee-Man's role in chapter 7 is two-fold. 1) Determine if you have enough stuff to merit liquidation (don't fret, it's rare) and 2) Refer your matter to the United States Trustee (more on UST-Man later) if there's something fishy--a fact, which once contributed to a glut of referrals of commercial-fishermen debtors and prompted the inception of 11 US Code Chapter 12: Adjustment of Debts of a Fisherman.

You, Debtor-Man (DM) will come across Trustee-Man (TM) at your Meeting of Creditors (don't fret, creditors rarely appear at the Meeting of Creditors, natch), which is for the honest and prepared, a zippy and routine affair. Its setting is not a courtroom, but an average-everyday-office building. There's no judge to render final decision, and on occasion it might be downright cordial. Yet, DM must testify under penalty of perjury, and he better know who is who, and what's it all about.

TM does not represent Creditor-Man, Collector-Man, or Creditor-Attorney-Man. Yet, TM's interests align with those parties insofar as TM is obliged on rare occasion--like it or not-- to liquidate Debtor-Man's assets. This occurs if Debtor-Man has too many luxuries or wishes to have his cake and eat it. Liquidation necessarily benefits TM; the Bankruptcy Code provides for TM compensation from liquidation proceeds. Nothing wrong with that--but Debtor-Man must know the Meeting of Creditors was not conceived to be a friendly get-together. In fact they don't even allow food in the waiting room.***

XI. Chapter 7 Trustee-Man-Attorney-Man

By the numbers, most Chapter 7 Trustee-Mans are attorneys (they don't need to be attorneys), yet if a disputatious dispute shall arise with Debtor-Man, TM shall employ Trustee-Man-Attorney-Man. In other words, the attorney TM employs his own (big-gun) attorney to litigate; this attorney-within-attorney scheme is commonly referred to (by me) as the Bankruptcy Russian-Nesting-Doll. Again, it's cool so long as Debtor-Man understands what he's up against.

XII. Chapter 13-Trustee-Man

Chapter 13--in a wee nutshell--involves repayment of debt (often pennies on the dollar) through a payment plan, which we call... the Chapter 13 Payment Plan.

Trustee-Man's role in chapter 13 is to disburse Debtor-Man's Plan payments among DM's creditors. In Chapter 13 Land, Chapter 13-TM, Chapter 13-TM-Attorney-Man (yes, that Russian nesting doll thing, again), and... (welcome back!) Creditor-Attorney-Man, all seek to increase DM's plan payments or dismiss DM's case. Alone, DM seeks to maintain lower payments and preserve his case.

XIII. Creditor-Attorney-Man (ii)

He showed up in the context of pre-petition (before filing bankruptcy) lawsuits and got a shout-out in our last Roman numeral. In the context of bankruptcy, Creditor-Attorney-Man may also object to the discharge of debt. This means that if CAM suspects you didn't do right by Amex, Discover, and Capital One, he will sue after you filed bankruptcy. The purpose is to obtain a ruling that a particular debt shall survive your bankruptcy. How so-- is bankruptcy not a forgiving, second-chance kind-of-thing? Well, it IS, but there are limits. It is a privilege for an honest, yet out-of-luck debtor. If CAM reveals you charged $2000 for plane tix on the eve of filing, he'll flag you; if you flew to attend a parent's deathbed, you may still be deemed guilty till proven otherwise.

XIV. United-States-Trustee-Man

A member of the Department of Justice, UST-Man investigates fraud, abuse, and other unpleasantries. In chapter 7, he may seek dismissal for "presumed abuse." This happens if on paper it appears you have enough dough to repay (some) debt in chapter 13. Yet, repayment ability is not black and white. The presumption of abuse may merit rebuttal.

UST-Man and UST-Man-Attorney-Man (Russian nesting is rampant) may also object to discharge and deny you the privilege of debt relief. This might happen if you bought those bankruptcy-eve plane tix. UST-Man will also prosecute if you conceal assets or lie under oath. Don't do those things. A $500,000 (non-dischargeable) fine and/or up to 5 years in prison apply. To illustrate the severity, that is tantamount to the penalty for copying your DVD of Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. How do you skip those FBI warnings anyway? It takes for-EVER to queue up a DVD.

XV. Judge-Man

Now, you know, the whole "man" business is generic. In the Southern District the majority of the bench is female, which is pretty cool. It was in the not-too-distant-past that law schools excluded women altogether. But that's another story. Now, Trustee-Man, US Trustee-Man, Creditor-Attorney-Man may all have beefs with Debtor-Man. However, there is due process: it's Judge-Man's call in the end. Judge-Man is neutral; he will listen to Debtor-Man. However, Judge-Man must also lend his ears to the multiplicity of voices that oppose lonely Debtor-Man: TM, TM-AM, UST-M, UST-M-AM, CAM (that's okay, I don't remember what I said those stand for either; the quantity's what matters).

The point: any one of the above Men may say of Debtor-Man's troubles...

HITMP?

XVI. Debtor-Attorney-Man

With the sheer number of elements in potential opposition, Debtor-Man is alone, and perhaps scared. People tell me sometimes, "I haven't done this before...." I tell em, that's okay. I have.

We're in this together, man.

I didn't know where this blog would take me. (I thought I'd quit at the housecat part, because I just like ragging on Batman. Why is he SO flippin serious?)

It takes me in the end back to Spider-Man. In the first movie--the one with the Important Notions--Peter Parker learns that safety of the citizenry IS his problem. He asks rhetorically,

Who am I?

I shan’t answer for Parker, lest I further spoil the profundity of Spider-Man. But I can answer for myself that debtors’ problems are my problem; I’m

a Debtor Attorney, man.****

____________________

*The adversarial system, of course, is our deliberate scheme for achieving either justice, fairness, compromise, or non-ruffling of feathers. Truth shall be manifest if each camp may hold the conch and speak freely and shrilly. It's the lesser of dispute-resolution evils, the alternative being the inquisitorial or beat-it-out-of-em system.

**I profess a layman's knowledge of these things, and was compelled to "Wiki-search" the rogues gallery. (Shrug), I suppose maybe I knew some of em.

***Our office ensures the Meeting of Creditors is a routinely no-sweat-affair, by virtue of indefatigable pressing of Debtor-Man to produce documentation. The required docs make Trustee-Man happy(er), and really aren't that hard to procure, so please do it already.

****If that whole "man" affectation/verbal-tic is overdone, it's partially the superhero-thing, and partially George Carlin voicing a hippie Volkswagen. My three-year-old boy's downstairs now watching the animated flick Cars (which is about animated cars) for the umpteenth time. George Carlin's there talking-up his special organic fuel, man.

George Carlin passed away since Cars came, and so did Paul Newman, a fellow cast-member. Cars 2 premiers this summer sans George and Paul. Owen Wilson--who plays the protagonist, Lightning McQueen—will be there, but barely. Post-Cars, Wilson survived a much-publicized suicide attempt. In moving on, perhaps Owen realized that lending voice to a Cars-car beloved by 3 year-olds everywhere is something special, and with that kind of power-- oh, never mind.

Call 858-344-0500 Or email admin@abramslawsd.com to request a free consultation with a Debtor Attorney, man.